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English to Slang letter P
| Paddy | Tea Caddy |
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| Paedophile (from the TV series South Park) | Cousin Kyle |
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| Pager |
John Major
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| Pain | Michael Caine |
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| Pain | Frasier Crane |
| He's a right Frasier | |
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| Pakistani |
Bacon Sarnie
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| Pants |
Adam and the Ants
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| Pants |
Adam and the Ants
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| Pants | Insects and Ants |
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| Pants | Pirates Of Penzance |
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| Paper (newspaper) | Linen Draper |
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| Para (paranoid) | Bow and Arra |
| You look bow and arra | |
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| Pardon |
Osama bin Laden
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| Beg your Osama | |
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| Park |
Noah's Ark
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| Park | Plimsoll Mark |
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| Park | Light and Dark |
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| Parka (jacket) | Neil Sedaka |
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| Parky (cold) | David Starkey |
| It's a bit David oot mate! | |
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| Party | Hale and hearty |
| Come to my hale and hearty | |
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| Party | Moriarty |
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| Party | Russell Harty |
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| Party | Todd Carty |
| We're 'avin a bit of a Todd Carty (Todd Carty plays Mark Fowler in Eastenders) | |
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| Pawn (in-pawn) | Bullock's Horn |
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| PC Plod (policeman) | Fishing Rod |
| Watch out theres a Fishin' Rod over there. | |
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| Peas | On Your Knees |
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| Peck (of food) | Tooting Bec |
| I'm feeling a bit Tooting Beckish | |
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| Pee | Jet Li |
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| Pee | Ken Smee |
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| Pee | C'est La Vie |
| Oi garcon, je require un C'est La Vie. | |
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| Pee |
Bruce Lee
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| Pee | Ali G |
| I need an Ali G | |
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| Peelers (police) | Pittsburgh Steelers |
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| Pen | Layin Hen |
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| Pen |
Bill and Ben
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| Where's my Bill and Ben. | |
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| Penalty Fare | Cherie Blair |
| I jumped of the tube and got Cheried | |
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| Penny | Abergavenny |
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| Penny | Kilkenny |
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| Pension | Shawshank Redemption |
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| Perv | Optic Nerve |
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| Perv (look at girls) | Dodge And Swerve |
| Going down to the Nuclear Sub for a bit of a Dodge? | |
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| Phat |
Roland Rat
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| That is well Roland Rat | |
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| Philharmonic | Tonic |
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| Phone | Trombone |
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| Phone | Nina Simone |
| Stop rabbitting on the Nina and put the Frank Skinner on woman | |
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| Phone | Sharone Stone |
| No worries china give us buzz on the Sharon. | |
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| Phone | Strawberry Rhone |
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| Phone | Joey Ramone |
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| Phone | Molly Malone |
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| Phone |
Dog and Bone
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| Who's that on the Dog and Bone then? | |
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| Phone | Herring Bone |
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| Phone | Jelly Bone |
| Aw me Jelly's vibrating | |
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| Piano | Joanna |
| Get on the old Joanna, and let's have a good old ding dong! | |
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| Pickles | Harvey Nichols |
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| Pictures | Dolly Mixtures |
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| Pictures | Fleas and Itches |
| I'm off to the Fleas and Itches. | |
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| Piddle (urinate) | Lauren Riddle |
| Jus goin for a Lauren Riddle | |
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| Piddle (urinate) |
Jimmy Riddle
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| Piddle (urinate) |
Jimmy Riddle
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| Piddle (urinate) | Malcolm in the Middle |
| I'm going for a Malcolm, mate... | |
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| Pie | Isle of Skye |
| I'd like some Isle of Skye. | |
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| Piece (lunch) | Merlyn Rees |
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| Piles | Shetland Isles |
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| Piles | Nobby Stiles |
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| Piles | Pllymouth Argylles |
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| Piles | Plymouth Argylls |
| Ooh me Plymouth Argylls are griping today! | |
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| Piles | Jeremy Kyles |
| I've got the Jeremy Kyles. | |
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| Piles | Farmer Giles |
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| Piles (haemorrhoids) | Chalfonts St. Giles |
| Ooh, me Chalfonts are givin' me gyp! | |
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| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Duke of Argyles |
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| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Metric Miles |
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| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Judith Chalmers |
| Blimey, I've got a nasty case of the Judiths | |
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| Pill |
Jimmy Hill
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| Pill | Harry Hill |
| Are you on the Harry Hill darling? | |
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| Pill |
Jack and Jill
Alternatives |
| Me girlfriend's on the Jack and Jill at last | |
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| Pillow | Weeping Willow |
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| Pills | Benny Hills |
| I'm gonna get Benny'd up. | |
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| Pin | Huckleberry Finn |
| There are ten Huckleberry Finns per frame. | |
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| Pinch (steal) |
Half Inch
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| Someone's 'Alf Inched me wallet! | |
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| Pinch (steal) |
Half Inch
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| My motor's just been 'alf inched! | |
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| Pint of Ale | Ship Full Sail |
| Let's have a Ship. | |
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| Pint of Stella | Nelson |
| Nelson Mandela | |
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| Pint of Stella | Uri Gella |
| Get us a pint of Uri. | |
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| Pipe | Cherry Ripe |
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| Pistol | Lady From Bristol |
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| Pistol | Lady of Bristol |
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| Pitch (stall or stand) | Hedge and Ditch |
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| Pizza | Omar Riza |
| Give us a slice of that Omar | |
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| Place |
Drum and Bass
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| Plan |
Jackie Chan
Alternatives |
| I've a Jackie | |
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| Plan | Manfred Mann |
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| Plant | Eddy Grant |
| I think there's an Eddie Grant on (while playing snooker) | |
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| Plants | Uncles and Aunts |
| Just had to dirty daughter me uncles and aunts | |
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| Please | Hairy Knees |
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| Pleb | Alexander Hleb |
| "I'm sorry. I made a complete Alexander Hleb of myself last night" | |
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| Pleb | Spider's web |
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| Plonker | Willy Wonka |
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| Davey Crocket | |
| Take ya hands out ya Davey! | |
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| Davy Crockett | |
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| Lucy Locket | |
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| Sky Rocket | |
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| Pole (as in Polish citizen). Used (allegedly) during WW2. |
Jam Roll
Alternatives |
| He's a Jam Role! | |
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| Pole (Polish person) | Swiss Roll |
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| Pom | To and From |
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| Ponce | Charlie Ronce |
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| Ponce | Alphonse |
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| Poo | Betty Boo |
| Where's the lav, I need a Betty! | |
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| Poo | Efan Ekuku |
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| Poo |
Four by Two
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| I'm busting for a Four by Two | |
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| Pools (the pools) |
April Fools
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| Poor | On the Floor |
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| Poorly | Sue Lawley |
| I'm feeling a bit Sue Lawley | |
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| Pope | Bar o' Soap |
| The Bar o'Soap's lookin' a bit Jack & Jill, innee? | |
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| Pork | Dwight Yorke |
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| Porker | Native New Yorker |
| Cos, 'e's a bit of an Native New Yorker innee | |
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| Porn | Johhny Vaughan |
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| Porn | Franky Vaughan |
| Watching a Franky Vaughan tonight? | |
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| Porn | Goldie Hawn |
| Just havin' a flick thru me Goldie. | |
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| Portuguese | Pork And Cheese |
| He's Pork And Cheese - he's Portuguese | |
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| Post | Sunday Roast |
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| Post |
Beans on Toast
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| Hit it off the Beans on Toast | |
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| Post |
Beans on Toast
Alternatives |
| My penalty hit the beans | |
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| Poster |
Roller Coaster
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| Potato |
Spanish Waiter
Alternatives |
| Go down the greengrocers and buy a dozen nice Spanish Waiters. | |
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| Pound (currency) | Sov |
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| Pound (currency) |
Quid
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| Pound (currency) | Plymouth Sound |
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| Powder (cocaine) | Nicky Lauder |
| Can you get me a gram of Nicky? | |
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| Pox |
Nervo and Knox
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| Pox | Surrey Docks |
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| Pox | Surries (Surrey Docks) |
| Stay away she's got the Surries | |
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| Pox | Band in the Box |
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| Prat | Paper Hat |
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| Prayer | Weaver's Chair |
| You 'aven't got a weavers! | |
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| Preggers (pregnant) | Keith Cheggers |
| Are you Keith Cheggers? | |
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| Preggers/pregnant | Keith Cheggars |
| Is she Keith Cheggars or just a bit on the old fat side? | |
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| Price | Anekka Rice |
| Paid a right good Anakke Rice for this motor. | |
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| Price | Condoleezza Rice |
| Check the Condoleezza Rice on that item | |
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| Priest |
Bag of Yeast
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| Priest | Far East |
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| Priest | Dirty Beast |
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| Printer |
Alan Minter
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| Looks like the paper has got jammed in the Alan again ! | |
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| Printer | Bernie Winter |
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| Prison | Boom and Mizzen |
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| Pruno (prison liquor) | San Bruno |
| That bloke is brewing San Bruno in his cell! | |
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| Pub | Rub-A-Dub |
| Fancy the Rubber? | |
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| Pub | Nuclear Sub |
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| Pub | Bath Tub |
| Jus goin dahn the Bath for a couple o' Pigs'. | |
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| Pub | Wormwood Scrubs |
| Comin down the Wormwood Scrubs? | |
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| Puff |
Brian Clough
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| Got any Brian on ya. | |
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| Puff (breath, life) | Nelly Duff |
| Not on your Nelly! | |
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| Punter | Billy Bunter |
| Get your finger out there's a queue of Billy Bunters. | |
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| Punters | Hillman Hunters |
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| Pyjamas | Barack Obama |
| Go put your Barackas, eh? | |
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| Pyjamas | Simon Schamas |
| Me grandad's only gone down the quack's in his Simons | |
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