It’s the London Cockney Olympics 2012!!!

Cockney FootballerYes me old china plates, dearest friends, we’re all puffed up with pride because 2012 is the official London Olympics, all taking place in our dear old East End of London Town.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s the Cockney Olympics! Those clever people in the Olympic committee sat down and said to themselves, right, they said, we need to choose a town which has:

  • the best grub
  • the best boozers
  • the best markets
  • the best people
  • the best culture
  • oh yeah and one or two decent sportspeople I spose

The whole wide world will be having a good old butcher’s at London. All those foreign types will be nosing around being extra-specially interested in our Cockney culture, and maybe scratching their loaves wondering what we’re on about when they come over for the Cockney Olympics. So here’s our special new Cockney dictionary of sporting terms that you’ll need to know:

Cycling Bike Dick van Dyke “Ooof ‘e took a nasty tumble off ‘is Dick van Dyke”
Road Frog and Toad “Fairly flying┬áup the Frog and Toad they were”
Football Balls Orchestra Stalls “Kicked that Orchestra right to the end of the pitch”
Boots Daisy Roots “These modern footballers wear right expensive Daisies these days”
Score Bobby Moore “What’s the Bobby Moore mate?”
Equestrian Sports Horse Charing Cross “A fine Charing Cross enters the arena now …”
Races Airs and Graces “Got a few exciting Airs and Graces coming up this afternoon”
Diving Diver Lady Godiva “That Tom Daley’s quite a Lady Godiva innee?”
Rowing/canoeing Boat Nanny Goat “Better hope those Nanny Goats are waterproof …”
River Shake and Shiver “… oops, nope, they’ve all gorn into the Shake and Shiver!”
Boxing Gloves Turtle Doves “Here he comes, pullin’ on his Turtle Doves, ready for action”
Ear King Lear “Look at the King Lears on him, they’re like cauliflowers”
Chin Errol Flynn “Oooh a fine left-hook to the Errol Flynn”
Tennis Balls Albert Halls “He hit the Albert Hall right out of the court!”
Gymnastics Gym Fat Boy Slim “Obviously been working out down the old Fat Boy Slim”
Dance Jack Palance “Nice bit of gymnastic Jack Palancing there”
Swimming Dip Apple Pip “Olympic swimming – it’s just an Apple Pip sped up really”

If you’ve got any more essential Cockney phrases we need to include in our special Olympics edition of the dictionary, send us a Jimmy Nail┬áand we’ll put it right in.



2 responses to “It’s the London Cockney Olympics 2012!!!”

  1. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang says:

    I recently found aahhht that this wind is made up, only the Tom, Dick and Harry is accurate, I tried comparin’ a translator ter the translator built-in ter this wind, the ovver wind I used ter translate was much more accurate than the built-in wahn, stop cheatin’.

  2. Ian says:

    Not sure you would use ‘Lady’ to mean ‘Diver’….this is where confusion would start because a ‘Lady’ means 5 pounds (Lady Godiva=Fiver)….and that’s an old one. I might be in dullsville (Australia) these days but I’m a face from Bethnal Green….I was actually born in Bart’s Hospital in the city so it doesn’t get more cockney than that.

    A Lady is a Fiver, geeza. Orright!