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Help us out with this Cockney translation

Here at CockneyRhymingSlang.co.uk we do like to help people out who are baffled by the Cockney lingo. This week a student from Poland has written to us asking for help translating the video below for his English lessons (the things they use for teaching these days). Well we think this ad is a wee bit fake, but let's try and translate it anyway. Here's the ad:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzxttGuq1s4And here's our translation SO FAR:"Wotcher me old China Plate. Here I am doin' a bit of graft in the States.But what a culture shock I 'ad with the old Nosebag!How can ya 'ave your elevens wifaht a nice cuppa Rosy Lee?And I was in  a right Two and Eight wif me afters as well. No pudding, no custard, no scones, no clotted cream ...What a choker!But I've 'ad a right result. I've sussed it out. 'ere, come 'ere.If you and the old Trouble and Strife (?) with your grub, do yourself a favour, click on ukgoods.com.They've got (?) of all your British favourites."There's just a few bits left to get. Can anyone help?
Date: 25-Sep-2009
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