Cockney Cash Machine Song

Paddy Milner, a songwriter and singer who has lived in Walthamstow, has written a superb song about the famous Cockney cash machines. In case you don’t know about them, they’re just like normal cash machines, only they speak Cockney, not English. Here’s the video, and we’ve included the translations below, with a link to Paddy’s site. Here he is singing the song and playing the Joanna, in an old-time Cockney ding-dong/Music Hall stylee.


Here’s some of the Cockney phrases used by the cash machines.

  • Bladder of Lard – Card
  • Huckleberry Finn – PIN
  • Moolah – Money
  • Sky Rocket – Pocket
  • Charlie Sheen – Screen
  • Fleet Street – Sheet
  • Sausage and Mash – Cash
  • Speckled Hen – Ten
  • Horn of Plenty – Twenty
  • Dirty – Thirty
  • Double Top – Forty
  • Nigel Manselled – Cancelled
  • Tom Hanks – Thanks
  • Dutch Plate – Mate

Note we’re not vouching for the accuracy of much of the above slang. We accept Sky Rocket, Sausage and Mash, Tom Hanks. But why not China Plate for Mate instead of Dutch Plate?

One response to “Cockney Cash Machine Song”

  1. Tellboy says:

    The term for a mate is China Plate and no other. Remember, true Cockney Slang is used with only the lead word and not the whole phrase. In this case using Dutch instead of Chine would lead others into the confusion of Mate or Wife.