Jimmie White!

Cockney to English letter P

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Fiver	Pam Shriver

Chest	Pants and Vest

Prat	Paper Hat

Tramp	Paraffin Lamp
Have a wash ya' smelly paraffin

Boil	Paraffin Oil
I've got a Paraffin on me Isa

Frenchies (people from France)	Park Benches
There's a load of park benches over there.

Tramp	Parrafin Lamp

Slash (urinate)	Pat Cash
Just goin' for a pat cash

Alone	Pat Malone

Wee	Patrick Mcnee
I'm desperate for a Patrick

Crazy	Patrick Swayze Alternatives
Your Patrick Swayze mate!

Lazy	Patrick Swayze Alternatives
He's a bit Patrick Swayze inne

Line (cocaine)	Patsy Cline
I'll sort out a few Patsy's mate

Tenner (10 pound note)	Paul Mckenna

Stella (beer)	Paul Weller

Ten pounds (tenor)	Pavarotti
Lend us a Pavarotti

Hooter (nose)	Pea Shooter
He got hit on the Pea Shooter!

Starved	Pear Halved

Skiver	Pearl Diver
He's only pearl divin'

Seen	Pearly Queen

Navy	Peas and Gravy

Hot	Peas in the Pot
Bit peasy in 'ere, innit?

Smashed	Pebble Dashed
I got pebble dashed last night

Tie	Peckham Rye Alternatives

Tie	Peckham Rye Alternatives
Are you gonna wear your new Peckham Rye?

Bank	Pedal and Crank
I'm going to the Pedal & Crank

Stink	Pen and Ink
That dog of yours pen and inks!

Booze	Penelope Cruz

Teeth	Penelope Keith
She's got nice Penelopes

Walk	Penn'orth of chalk
Take a penn'orth, let me get on with me bloody job.


Ground	Penny A Pound

Skint	Peppermint

Mower (gardener)	Percy Thrower Alternatives

Blower (telephone)	Percy Thrower Alternatives
Lend us ya Percy, I need to make a call.

Boozer (pub)	Perpetual (Loser)
Oh gawd 'e's a right perpetual loser

Drug	Persian Rug
Got any Persians on you mate?

Drugs	Persian Rugs

Grouch	Peter Crouch
Oh, he's such a Peter!

Old man (father)	Peter Pan Alternatives
How's your Peter Pan.

Tan	Peter Pan Alternatives

Nervous	Peter Purvis
I am a bit Peter Pervis about my exam

Hump	Petrol Pump
He had the right petrol pump last night

Gin and Tonic	Philharmonic

Silly	Piccadilly

Mercy	Piccadilly Percy

Suit	Piccolo and Flute

Sticks (countryside)	Pick and Mix
It's ages seen I been out in the pick 'n mix

Vicar	Pie and Liquor

Slash (urinate)	Pie and Mash Alternatives
Gotta take a pie and mash

Cash	Pie And Mash Alternatives
You got any Pie on ya?

Crash	Pie and Mash Alternatives
Just had a pie and mash in me car

Weight	Pieces of Eight

Hyper	Pied Piper

Beer	Pig's Ear

Scotch (whiskey)	Pimple and Blotch

Chapel	Pineapple

Bunk (bed)	Pineapple Chunk Alternatives

Spunk	Pineapple Chunk Alternatives
I think I just swallowed some Pineapple Chunks

Strong	Ping Pong

Turkey	Pinky and Perky


Legs	Pins or Pin Pegs
Nice pins

Cry	Pipe Your Eye

Pants	Pirates Of Penzance

Computer	Pistol and Shooter

Boss	Pitch and Toss

Peelers (police)	Pittsburgh Steelers

Missus (Mrs)	Plates and Dishes

Feet	Plates of Meat
Me plates are killin' me!

Rain	Pleasure and Pain

Park	Plimsoll Mark

Vin Blanc	Plonk
Reported came from Army in France in WWI

Style	Plymouth Argyle
I like ya Plymouth Argyle

Pound (currency)	Plymouth Sound

Scotch (whiskey)	Pocket Watch

Bint	Polo Mint Alternatives

Skint	Polo Mint Alternatives
Cant afford it im Polo

Toilet	Pontius Pilate

25	Pony

Liverpool	Poor Man's Gruel
You support Poor Man's Gruel? You fool!

Home	Pope in Rome

Portuguese	Pork And Cheese
He's Pork And Cheese - he's Portuguese

Cop	Pork Chop
Lets run from the Pork Chop.

Lies	Pork Pies
Stop tellin' me porkies!

Specs (spectacles)	Posh and Becks
Pass us me posh and becks

Tramp	Postage Stamp

Fat (from the children's TV programme)	Postman Pat Alternatives
You're a bit Postman

Cat	Postman Pat Alternatives

Old man (father or husband)	Pot and Pan Alternatives

Old man (father or husband)	Pot and Pan Alternatives

Clue	Pot of Glue


Cold	Potatoes in the Mould
Blimey it's taters!

Wishes	Pots and Dishes

Bust	Princes Trust
Look at the Prince's on her

Bird (Lime)	Prison Time
'Es gawn down, doin' bird

Moody	Punch n Judy
Don't get all Punch and Judy

Love	Push and Shove