|
Table |
Aunt Mabel
|
| Put the fruit on the Aunt Mabel |
|
|
Table |
Betty Grable
|
| Excuse me, I'd like to book a Betty Grable |
|
|
Table |
Cain and Abel
|
|
|
Table |
Cane and Abel
|
|
|
Table |
Clark Gable
|
| Put the plate on the Clark Gable |
|
|
Tablet |
Gary Abblett
|
| Doctor gave me some Gary Abletts |
|
|
Tail |
Alderman's Nail
|
|
|
Tailor |
Sinbad the Sailor
|
|
|
Take Away |
Jay Kay
|
| Fancy a jay-kay after this? |
|
|
Tale |
Newgate Gaol
|
|
|
Tale |
Daily Mail
|
|
|
Talk |
Rabbit and Pork
|
| She would not stop rabbitting! |
|
|
Tall |
Bat and ball
|
| That lad is a bit Bat and Ball |
|
|
Tan |
Charlie Chan
|
|
|
Tan |
Peter Pan
Alternatives
|
|
|
Tan |
Steely Dan
|
|
|
Tanner (sixpence) |
Sprarsy Anna
|
|
|
Tanner (sixpence) |
Tartan Banner
|
|
|
Tanner (sixpence) |
Lord of the Manor
|
|
|
Tap (borrow) |
Star's Nap
|
|
|
Tap (borrow) |
Cellar Flap
|
|
|
Tatty |
David Batty
|
| That rags looking a little Batty |
|
|
Tax |
Candle Wax
|
|
|
Tax |
Bees Wax
|
| I've paid a lot of Bees Wax this week. |
|
|
Taxi |
Joe Baxi
|
|
|
Tea |
Kiki Dee
|
| Fancy a bit of Acker in yer Kiki? |
|
|
Tea |
Rosy Lee
|
| Cup of rosy? |
|
|
Tea |
Bruce Lee
Alternatives
|
| Anyone fancy a Bruce. |
|
|
Tea |
You and Me
|
|
|
Tears |
Britney Spears
Alternatives
|
| Dry away those Britney Spears |
|
|
|
|
Tears |
Bunny Ears
|
|
|
Teenth (sixteenth of an ounce) |
Louis
|
| I can only run to a Louis so shall we get an 'Enry between us? |
|
|
Teeth |
Penelope Keith
|
| She's got nice Penelopes |
|
|
Teeth |
Corn Beef
|
| I'll knock ya Corns out. |
|
|
Teeth |
Hampstead Heath
|
|
|
Teeth |
Hollie Reath
|
| He's lying throuh his 'ollie reath! |
|
|
Teeth |
Bexley Heath
|
| Look at the Bexley's on that |
|
|
Teeth (usually false teeth) |
Ted Heaths
|
| Do you like my new Ted Heaths? |
|
|
Telephone |
Al Capone
|
| She just keeps Rabbiting on the Al Capone. |
|
|
Telly |
Auntie Nelly
|
|
|
Telly |
Roger Mellie
|
|
|
Telly |
K Y Jelly
|
| Fred's on the KY Jelly |
|
|
Telly |
Liza Minnelli
|
| What's on the Liza |
|
|
Telly |
Marie Correlli
|
|
|
Telly |
Matthew Kelly
Alternatives
|
| what's on the Matthew Kelly tonight mate? |
|
|
Telly |
Wobbly Jelly
|
|
|
Ten |
Tony Benn
|
| Should we call it a Tony Benner |
|
|
Ten |
Uncle Ben
|
| Lend me an Uncle Ben will you? |
|
|
Ten |
Big Ben
|
|
|
Ten |
Bill and Ben
Alternatives
|
|
|
Ten |
Dirty Den
Alternatives
|
|
|
Ten (£10) |
Speckled Hen
|
| Lend us a Speckled son. |
|
|
Ten (pounds) |
Nigel Benn
|
| Lend us a Nigel. |
|
|
Ten pounds (tenor) |
Pavarotti
|
| Lend us a Pavarotti |
|
|
Tenner |
Jim Fenner
|
| Where's that Jim you owe me? |
|
|
Tenner (£10) |
Bill and Benner
|
| You got that Bill and Benner you owe me? |
|
|
Tenner (10 pound note) |
Ayrton Senna
|
|
|
Tenner (10 pound note) |
Louise Wener
|
|
|
Tenner (10 pound note) |
Paul Mckenna
|
|
|
Tennis |
Les Dennis
|
| When's the Les Dennis on? |
|
|
|
|
Testicles |
Outings and Festivals
|
| Ooooh, 'e got me right in me outings! |
|
|
Text |
T-rex
|
| T-rex me on my phone |
|
|
Text (message) |
Malcolm X
|
| Send us a Malcolm when you get there |
|
|
Thanks |
Shabba Ranks
|
| shabba ranks for your help claire! |
|
|
Thanks |
Tom Hanks
Alternatives
|
| Tom Hanks for that old son |
|
|
The once over (eye someone up) |
Kornikova
|
| Give someone the Kornikova. |
|
|
The Sun newspaper |
Currant Bun
Alternatives
|
| I read it in the Currant Bun |
|
|
Thief |
Tea Leaf
|
|
|
Thieves |
Jimmy Greaves
|
|
|
Thieving |
Tea Leafing
|
|
|
Thirst |
Geoff Hurst
Alternatives
|
| Pint of Uri please, got a right Geoff Hurst on. |
|
|
Thong |
Rigobert Song
|
| Nice Rigobert she's wearing. |
|
|
Throat |
Nanny Goat
Alternatives
|
|
|
Throat |
Ferret and Stoat
|
| Ooh me sore Ferret! |
|
|
Throat |
Billy Goat
Alternatives
|
|
|
Thrush |
Basil Brush
|
| I've got a bad case of Basil. |
|
|
Thugs |
Spiders and Bugs
|
|
|
Ticket |
Jiminee Cricket
|
| I've just bought a pair of Jiminees. |
|
|
Ticket |
Lemony Snicket
|
| Get some Lemonys for the footy |
|
|
Ticket |
Bat and Wicket
|
|
|
Ticket |
Wilson Picket
|
| I've got the Wilsons for Saturday, mate. Meet me in the Earl of Wakefield around 12. |
|
|
Tie |
Peckham Rye
Alternatives
|
| Are you gonna wear your new Peckham Rye? |
|
|
Tie |
Peckham Rye
Alternatives
|
|
|
Tights |
Fly-By-Nights
|
|
|
Till (cash register) |
Jack and Jill
Alternatives
|
|
|
Tim (Person of a Roman Catholic Persuasion) |
Jungle Jim
|
| He's a dirty jungle jim |
|
|
Time |
Lager and Lime
Alternatives
|
| Let me know what lager and lime you finish |
|
|
Time |
Harry Lime
|
|
|
Time |
Bird Lime
|
| Me old man's inside, doin' time. |
|
|
Tired |
Barb Wired
|
| I'm going to bed,I'm barb wired |
|
|
|
|
To have a situation or a drama |
Bananarama
|
| I'm having a right Bananarama today. |
|
|
To urinate (slash) |
Jack Dash
Alternatives
|
| I need a Jack Dash. |
|
|
Toast |
Holy Ghost
Alternatives
|
| Ere missis, I'll have two poached Woodens and a slice of Holy with a nice mug of Rosie. |
|
|
Toast |
Holy Ghost
Alternatives
|
|
|
Toaster |
Roller Coaster
Alternatives
|
|
|
Toddlers / children (Brats) |
Rug Rats
|
| Who's are those Rug Rats causing all the noise? |
|
|
Toes |
Bromley By Bow's
|
|
|
Toes (from Seb Coes) |
Sebs
|
| Have it on your Sebs |
|
|
Toilet |
Pontius Pilate
|
|
|
Tomatoes |
Stars & Garters
|
| Sling some Stars on that breakfast, mate. |
|
|
Tongue |
Brigham Young
|
|
|
Tonic |
Supersonic
Alternatives
|
|
|
Tool - Meaning Gun |
April Fool
|
| E ad an April wiv im in his 'appy bag |
|
|
Tools |
Crown Jewels
|
|
|
Toss |
Stirling Moss
|
| I don't give a stirling mate |
|
|
Toss |
Iron Horse
|
| Don't give an iron mate! |
|
|
Toss |
Jonathan Ross
|
| Couldn't give a Jonathon Ross mate |
|
|
Toss |
Kate Moss
Alternatives
|
|
|
Tosser |
Dental Flosser
|
| That geeza's a right dental flosser. |
|
|
Tosser |
Charing Crosser
|
|
|
Tote |
Canal Boat
|
|
|
Tote |
Nanny Goat
Alternatives
|
|
|
Tottie |
Lanzarote
|
| Some Lanzanrote around here! |
|
|
Totty |
Beam me up Scotty
|
|
|
Tout |
Brussels Sprout
Alternatives
|
| I bought my ticket off a Brussels |
|
|
Tow |
Edgar Alan Poe
|
|
|
Towel |
Jenny Powell
|
|
|
Towel |
Simon Cowell
|
| I'm going down to the beach, lay on me old Simon and catch me some rays. |
|
|
Town |
Bobby Brown
|
|
|
Tracks |
Basement Jaxx
|
| I'll be making Basement Jaxx now |
|
|
|
|
Train |
Daniel Fergus (McGrain)
|
| What time's the next Daniel Fergus? |
|
|
Train |
John Wayne
|
|
|
Tram |
Baa Lamb
|
|
|
Tramp |
Hurricane Lamp
|
| Yesterday I saw a Hurricane Lamp. |
|
|
Tramp |
Oil Lamp
|
|
|
Tramp |
Postage Stamp
|
|
|
Tramp |
Paraffin Lamp
|
| Have a wash ya' smelly paraffin |
|
|
Tramp |
Parrafin Lamp
|
|
|
Tramp |
Thirteen Amp
|
|
|
Tramp |
Wet 'n' Damp
|
| He's a bit of a wet n' damp? |
|
|
Trash |
Bangers and Mash
Alternatives
|
| Go and clear out the Bangers and Mash. |
|
|
Trip (acid / ecstasy) |
Walnut Whip
|
|
|
Trouble |
Barney Rubble
Alternatives
|
| Got into a right Barney last night. |
|
|
Trousers |
Callard and Bowsers
|
|
|
Trousers |
Callards
|
|
|
Trousers |
Doogie Howsers
|
| Nice Doogie Howsers. |
|
|
Trousers |
Round the Houses
|
|
|
Trousers |
Lesley Crowthers
|
|
|
Trowel |
Baydon Powell
|
| Put some Donald on me Baydon. |
|
|
True |
Irish stew
|
| Too Iish, me old China, too Irish ! |
|
|
Trunks |
Chipmunks
|
|
|
Truth |
Babe Ruth
|
| Ain't that the Babe |
|
|
Tube |
Oxo Cube
|
|
|
Tube |
Rubic's Cube
Alternatives
|
| Shall we go on the rubic's? |
|
|
Tune |
Stewed Prune
|
|
|
Turd |
Richard the Third
Alternatives
|
|
|
Turd |
Lemon Curd
Alternatives
|
| I just nearly trod on that lemon curd |
|
|
Turd |
Douglas Hurd
Alternatives
|
|
|
Turd |
Thora Hird
|
| Oh! I'm dying for a Thora |
|
|
Turf |
Harry Worth
|
| It's not happening on my Harry! |
|
|
|
|
Turk |
Captain Kirk
Alternatives
|
|
|
Turk |
Captain Kirk
Alternatives
|
| Lot of Captains around this area. |
|
|
Turkey |
Pinky and Perky
|
|
|
Twenty two |
Dinky Doo
|
|
|
Twig (understand) |
Earwig
|
|
|
Two-two (degree result) |
Desmond Tutu
|
|