|
Sack |
Tin Tack
|
| Got the tin tack this morning. |
|
|
Saloon Bar |
Balloon Car
|
|
|
Sandals |
Roman Candles
|
| Why are you wearing those Romans? |
|
|
Sargy (Sargeant) |
Onion Bhaji
|
| Meet our new bhaji |
|
|
Sarnie |
Georgio Armani
|
| Poppin' out for a quick Georgio Armani |
|
|
Sarnie (Sandwich) |
Reg Varney
Alternatives
|
| Oi, get us a Bacon Reg. |
|
|
Sauce |
Rocking Horse
Alternatives
|
| I'd like some Rocking Horse on my beef |
|
|
Sauce |
Rocking Horse
Alternatives
|
|
|
Sauce |
Dead Horse
|
|
|
Sauce |
Inspector Morse
|
| Got any Inspector? |
|
|
Sauce |
Air Force
|
| Do you wan't any Air Force on yer chips luv? |
|
|
Saw |
Bear's Paw
|
|
|
Say so |
Cocoa
|
|
|
Scar |
Mars Bar
|
|
|
Scarf |
Centre Half
|
| It's a bit taters I'll wear my centre half |
|
|
Scary |
Mariah Carey
|
|
|
School |
Jah Rule
|
| I'm quittin Jah cos it's a James Hunt |
|
|
Score |
Hampden Roar
|
| You know the Hampden |
|
|
Score |
Bobby Moore
Alternatives
|
|
|
Score |
Ali McGraw
|
| What's the Ali mate? |
|
|
Score |
Jude Law
|
| What's the Jude Law ? |
|
|
Score |
Ronald de Boer
Alternatives
|
| Gimme a ronald de boer |
|
|
Score (£20) |
Apple Core
|
|
|
Score (£20) |
Bobby Moore
Alternatives
|
| 'it cost me a bobby moore' |
|
|
Score (£20) |
Dudley Moore
|
|
|
Scotch (whiskey) |
Gold Watch
Alternatives
|
|
|
Scotch (whiskey) |
Gold Watch
Alternatives
|
| Fancy a gold watch, before you go? |
|
|
Scotch (whiskey) |
Pocket Watch
|
|
|
Scotch (whiskey) |
Pimple and Blotch
|
|
|
Scouts |
Brussels Sprouts
|
|
|
|
|
Sea |
Housemaid's Knee
|
|
|
See ya' later |
Spanish Waiter
|
| Spanish Waiter darlin! |
|
|
See you later |
Baked Potata
|
|
|
See you Later |
Baked Potato
|
|
|
Seen |
Pearly Queen
|
|
|
Sense |
Eighteen Pence
|
|
|
Shabby |
Westminster Abbey
|
|
|
Shag |
Zig and Zag
|
| Any chance of a Zig and Zag? |
|
|
Shag |
Melvyn Bragg
|
|
|
Shakes |
Hatti Jaques
|
|
|
Shaky |
Currant Cakey
|
|
|
Shambles |
Jakki Brambles
|
|
|
Shark |
Noah's Ark
Alternatives
|
|
|
Shave |
Mexican Wave
|
| I am away to have a shower and a Mexican |
|
|
Shave |
Ocean Wave
|
|
|
Shave |
Rant an Rave
|
| When I wake up I have a Rant an Rave |
|
|
Shave |
Dig in the grave
Alternatives
|
|
|
Shave |
Dig in the Grave
Alternatives
|
| I'm going for a Dig in the Grave. |
|
|
Shave |
Chas and Dave
|
|
|
Shave |
All Night Rave
|
|
|
Shilling |
Able and Willing
|
| 'Ere mate I'm skint, lend us an Able |
|
|
Shilling |
Thomas Tilling
|
|
|
Shingles |
Mandy Dingles
|
| How are your Mandy Dingles? |
|
|
Ship |
'Apenny Dip
|
|
|
Shirt |
Uncle Bert
|
|
|
Shocker |
Barry Crocker
|
|
|
Shocker |
Constantino Rocca
|
|
|
Shop |
Cheggers Plays Pop
|
|
|
Shop |
Bottle of Pop
|
| Wat u gettin from the Bottle. |
|
|
Shop |
Lollipop
|
|
|
|
|
Shoulders |
Noddy Holders
|
| I've a right pain in me Noddy Holders ! |
|
|
Shout |
Brussel Sprout
Alternatives
|
|
|
Shout (round) |
Wally Grout
|
|
|
Shovel |
Lord Lovell
|
|
|
Shower |
Austin Power
|
| Just jumping in the Austin |
|
|
Shower |
Blackpool Tower
|
| I'm going for a Blackpool. |
|
|
Shower |
David Gower
|
|
|
Shower |
Eiffel Tower
|
|
|
Shower |
Fawlty Tower
|
| I'll just have a Fawlty Tower |
|
|
Shut |
Jabba the Hutt
|
|
|
Silly |
Harry and Billy
|
| Stupid |
|
|
Silly |
Daffadown Dilly
|
|
|
Silly |
Piccadilly
|
|
|
Silly |
Uncle Willy
|
|
|
Single |
Mandy Dingle
|
| Is that bird still mandy dingle? |
|
|
Sister |
Skin and Blister
|
|
|
Sister |
Sock and Blister
|
|
|
Six (in bingo) |
Chop Sticks
|
|
|
Sixty six |
Clickety Click
|
|
|
Skin (cigarette paper) |
Vera Lynn
Alternatives
|
|
|
Skint |
Peppermint
|
|
|
Skint |
Polo Mint
Alternatives
|
| Cant afford it im Polo |
|
|
Skint |
Harry Flint
|
| I'm a bit 'Arry at the moment |
|
|
Skint |
Jackie Flint
|
| Would join you, but I'm Jackie Flint |
|
|
Skint (broke) |
Boracic Lint
|
| Can't come out tonight, I'm boracic! |
|
|
Skint (broke) |
Bernie Flint
|
|
|
Skint (broke) |
Murray-Mint
|
|
|
Skint (broke) |
Larry Flint
|
| I'm Larry Flint |
|
|
Skive |
Duck and Dive
Alternatives
|
| Not going into work today. I'm Ducking and Diving. |
|
|
Skiver |
Angus MacGyver
|
| you're a right Angus MacGyver |
|
|
|
|
Skiver |
Pearl Diver
|
| He's only pearl divin' |
|
|
Skoda |
Whiskey and Soda
Alternatives
|
|
|
Skull |
Jethro (Tull)
|
| I bust an Aristostle over his Jethro |
|
|
Slash |
Arthur Ash
|
| Going for a quick Arthur |
|
|
Slash (Urinate) |
Alex Nash
|
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Barry Nash
|
| I'm going to burst if I don't go for a Barry… |
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Charlie Nash
|
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Bangers and Mash
Alternatives
|
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Johhny Cash
Alternatives
|
| I'm busting for a Johnny Cash |
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Johnny Cash
|
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Eye Lash
|
| Rack 'em up again, I'm just off for an Eye Lash. |
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Frazer Nash
|
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Sausage and Mash
Alternatives
|
| Just going for sausage and mash |
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Pat Cash
|
| Just goin' for a pat cash |
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Pie and Mash
Alternatives
|
| Gotta take a pie and mash |
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Lemon and Dash
|
|
|
Slash (urinate) |
Mark Ramprakash
|
|
|
Slash; to urinate |
Stock Market Crash
|
| Excuse me while I nip off for a quick Stock Market |
|
|
Slaughtered |
Son and Daughter'd
|
|
|
Sleep |
Sooty And Sweep
|
| I could do with some Soot. |
|
|
Sleep |
Bo-Peep
|
|
|
Sleep |
Bo Peep
|
|
|
Slide |
Bonnie and Clyde
Alternatives
|
| Mum, can I go to the Bonnie? |
|
|
Slippers |
Chicken Dippers
|
|
|
Slippers |
Big Dippers
|
|
|
Slippers |
Eggs and Kippers
|
| Put on your kippers and come here |
|
|
Slippers |
Day Trippers
|
|
|
Slippers |
Jack The Rippers
|
| Oi! Mutt fetch my Jack the Rippers. |
|
|
Small or ineffectual man (weed) |
Harris Tweed
|
| He's a bit of an 'Arris |
|
|
Smashed |
Pebble Dashed
|
| I got pebble dashed last night |
|
|
|
|
Smell |
Aunt Nell
|
|
|
Smell (whiff) |
Jimmy Cliff
|
| Cor, it don't half Jimmy round here. |
|
|
Smile |
Roof Tile
|
| Put a Roof on yer Boat. |
|
|
Smile |
Sandy Lyle
Alternatives
|
| Put a Sandy on your Boat |
|
|
Smoke |
Laugh and a Joke
|
| Just goin out for a laugh mate... |
|
|
Snake |
Joe Blake
Alternatives
|
|
|
Sneeze |
Bread and Cheese
|
|
|
Snide (fake) |
Bonnie and Clyde
Alternatives
|
| That a Bonnie Ralph Loren or a real one? |
|
|
Snide (fake) |
Jekyll and Hyde
|
| Bought a Jekyll watch down the market |
|
|
Snotter (nose) |
Harry Potter
|
| That geezer's got an 'arry like concorde ! |
|
|
Snout (cigarette) |
In and Out
Alternatives
|
|
|
Snout (cigarette) |
Salmon and Trout
Alternatives
|
| I'm having a salmon |
|
|
Snout (cigarette) |
Salmon and Trout
Alternatives
|
|
|
Snow |
Cheryl Crow
|
|
|
Soap |
Cape of Good Hope
|
|
|
Soap |
Band of Hope
|
|
|
Soap |
Faith and Hope
|
|
|
Soap |
No hope
|
| Can you pass me the no hope? |
|
|
Sock |
Teddington Lock
|
| I've lost one of my Teddingtons |
|
|
Socks |
Tilbury Docks
|
|
|
Socks |
Sara cox
|
| Ere fella, you seen me Sara's? |
|
|
Socks |
Diamond Rocks
|
| Chuck us me Diamonds. |
|
|
Socks |
Hickory Docks
|
|
|
Socks |
Almond Rocks
|
|
|
Soda |
Major Loda
|
|
|
Son |
Bath Bun
|
|
|
Son |
Currant Bun
Alternatives
|
|
|
Song |
Ding Dong
Alternatives
|
| Let's all 'av a bit of a ding dong! |
|
|
Sores |
Dudley Moore's
|
|
|
Soup |
Loop the Loop
Alternatives
|
|
|
|
|
Soup |
Loop the Loop
Alternatives
|
| Think I'll have the loop for starters |
|
|
Sovereign |
Jimmy O'Goblin
|
|
|
Spanner |
Elsie Tanner
|
|
|
Spanner |
Copacabana
|
|
|
Sparko (asleep or unconscious) |
Donnie Darko
|
| The guy on the floor was totally Donnie Darko'd |
|
|
Sparrow |
Bow and Arrow
Alternatives
|
|
|
Specs (specatcles) |
Gregory Pecks
|
| You've got new Gregory Pecks! |
|
|
Specs (spectacles) |
Mikkel Becks
|
|
|
Specs (spectacles) |
Posh and Becks
|
| Pass us me posh and becks |
|
|
Spine |
Lager and Lime
Alternatives
|
|
|
Spliff |
Scratch ' N ' Sniff
|
|
|
Splinter |
Alan Minter
Alternatives
|
|
|
Spot |
Jelly Tot
|
| Thats a wicked jelly tot on your boat |
|
|
Spot |
Selina Scott
|
| That's a nasty Selina you've got there |
|
|
Spot |
Randolph Scott
|
|
|
Spouse |
Dangermouse
|
|
|
Spouse |
Boiler House
|
|
|
Spud |
Elmer Fudd
|
| Pass the Elmers, please darling |
|
|
Spuds |
Roy Hudd's
|
|
|
Spunk |
Pineapple Chunk
Alternatives
|
| I think I just swallowed some Pineapple Chunks |
|
|
Spunk |
Harry Monk
Alternatives
|
|
|
Spunk |
Harry Monk
Alternatives
|
|
|
Squeal |
Jellied Eel
Alternatives
|
| Darren you fookin' Jelly |
|
|
Squitters |
Gary Glitters
|
| I caught a right does of the Garys |
|
|
Stab |
Doner Kebab
|
| Harry got Doner Kebebbed last night |
|
|
Stairs |
Dancing Bears
|
|
|
Stairs |
Daisy Dancers
|
|
|
Stairs |
Apples and Pears
|
| Up the Apples and Pears to Bedfordshire |
|
|
Star |
Lah-Di-Dah
Alternatives
|
|
|
Starbie's (Starbucks) |
Ken and Barbies
|
|
|
|
|
Starbucks |
Lisa Tarbucks
|
| Let's head for Lisa Tarbucks! |
|
|
Starved |
Pear Halved
|
|
|
Starving |
Lee Marvin
|
|
|
Starving |
Hank Marvin
|
|
|
State |
Harry Tate
Alternatives
|
|
|
State |
Six and Eight
|
|
|
State |
Two and Eight
|
| Clear up your room - it's a right two and eight! |
|
|
Steak |
Sexton Blake
Alternatives
|
|
|
Steak |
Kate
|
|
|
Steak |
Joe Blake
Alternatives
|
|
|
Steak |
Charlie Drake
|
| I'll have a well done Charlie darlin'. |
|
|
Steak and Kidney |
Kate and Sydney
|
|
|
Stella (beer) |
Keith Dellar
|
| I'll have a pint of Keith |
|
|
Stella (beer) |
Nelson Mandela
|
|
|
Stella (beer) |
Paul Weller
|
|
|
Stella (beer) |
Yuri Geller
|
|
|
Stella (beer) |
Cinderella
|
| I've been drinkin' Cinderellas all night |
|
|
Stella (beer) |
David Mellor
|
|
|
Stench |
Dame Judy Dench
|
|
|
Stench |
Judy Dench
Alternatives
|
| Don't go in that toilet there's a right Judy in there |
|
|
Stew |
Battle of Waterloo
|
|
|
Sticks (countryside) |
Pick and Mix
|
| It's ages seen I been out in the pick 'n mix |
|
|
Still (photograph) |
Beecham's Pill
Alternatives
|
|
|
Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches) |
Harold Wilson's
|
|
|
Stink |
Pen and Ink
|
| That dog of yours pen and inks! |
|
|
Stinker (bad game) |
Regi Blinker
|
|
|
Stinking |
Abraham Lincoln
|
| There's a dead cat in the garden and it's Abraham Lincoln! |
|
|
Stoned |
Al Caponed
|
| Are we getting Al Caponed tonight? |
|
|
Stools |
April Fools
Alternatives
|
|
|
Story |
Jackanory
|
|
|
|
|
Story |
Frankie DeTory
|
| What's the Frankie? |
|
|
Story |
Morning Glory
|
| Let me tell you a Morning Glory. |
|
|
Stout (beer) |
Salmon and Trout
Alternatives
|
|
|
Stranger |
Queens Park Ranger
|
|
|
Stranger |
Connaught Ranger
|
|
|
Strangers |
Glasgow Rangers
|
|
|
Stray |
Gamma Ray
|
|
|
Streak |
Dawson's Creek
|
| I remember Erica doing a Dawsons like it was yesterday |
|
|
Street |
Field of Wheat
Alternatives
|
|
|
Street |
Field of Wheat
Alternatives
|
|
|
Street |
Ain't It A Treat
|
| That's me Lemon down the Ain't It A Treat. |
|
|
Strides (trousers) |
Jekyll and Hydes
|
|
|
Stripper |
Jack the Ripper
Alternatives
|
|
|
Stripper |
Chicken Dipper
|
| Didn't you know Julie's a Chicken Dipper now? |
|
|
Strong |
Annie May Wong
|
| That's a bit Annie May |
|
|
Strong |
Ping Pong
|
|
|
Stunner |
Air Gunner
|
| Cwar! She's a right Air Gunner! |
|
|
Style |
Plymouth Argyle
|
| I like ya Plymouth Argyle |
|
|
Style |
Sandy Lyle
Alternatives
|
| I like your Sandy Lyle |
|
|
Style |
Tate and Lyle
|
|
|
Styled |
Wet 'n' Wild
|
| I've had my hair wet 'n' wild |
|
|
Sub |
Rubber Dub
|
|
|
Sub (pay advance) |
Rub A Dub
|
|
|
Sugar (Tate and Lyle) |
Harry Tate
Alternatives
|
|
|
Suit |
Bag of Fruit
|
|
|
Suit |
Bowl of Fruit
|
|
|
Suit |
Piccolo and Flute
|
|
|
Suit |
Whistle and Flute
|
| Nice new whistle, mate! |
|
|
Sun |
Currant Bun
Alternatives
|
|
|
Supper |
Tommy Tucker
Alternatives
|
|
|
|
|
Sure |
Bobby Moore
Alternatives
|
|
|
Swear |
Orange and Pear
|
| Don't you orange and pear at me |
|
|
Swear |
Lord Mayor
Alternatives
|
|
|
Swear |
Lord Mayor
Alternatives
|
|