18. August 2011 12:37
Yes me old china plates, dearest friends, we're all puffed up with pride because 2012 is the official London Olympics, all taking place in our dear old East End of London Town. That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's the Cockney Olympics! Those clever people in the Olympic committee sat down and said to themselves, right, they said, we need to choose a town which has:
- the best grub
- the best boozers
- the best markets
- the best people
- the best culture
- oh yeah and one or two decent sportspeople I spose
The whole wide world will be having a good old butcher's at London. All those foreign types will be nosing around being extra-specially interested in our Cockney culture, and maybe scratching their loaves wondering what we're on about when they come over for the Cockney Olympics. So here's our special new Cockney dictionary of sporting terms that you'll need to know:
||Dick van Dyke
||"Ooof 'e took a nasty tumble off 'is Dick van Dyke"
||Frog and Toad
||"Fairly flying up the Frog and Toad they were"
||"Kicked that Orchestra right to the end of the pitch"
||"These modern footballers wear right expensive Daisies these days"
||"What's the Bobby Moore mate?"
||"A fine Charing Cross enters the arena now ..."
||Airs and Graces
||"Got a few exciting Airs and Graces coming up this afternoon"
||"That Tom Daley's quite a Lady Godiva innee?"
||"Better hope those Nanny Goats are waterproof ..."
||Shake and Shiver
||"... oops, nope, they've all gorn into the Shake and Shiver!"
||"Here he comes, pullin' on his Turtle Doves, ready for action"
||"Look at the King Lears on him, they're like cauliflowers"
||"Oooh a fine left-hook to the Errol Flynn"
||"He hit the Albert Hall right out of the court!"
||Fat Boy Slim
||"Obviously been working out down the old Fat Boy Slim"
||"Nice bit of gymnastic Jack Palancing there"
||"Olympic swimming - it's just an Apple Pip sped up really"
If you've got any more essential Cockney phrases we need to include in our special Olympics edition of the dictionary, send us a Jimmy Nail and we'll put it right in.