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It's the London Cockney Olympics 2012!!!

by Gordon 18. August 2011 12:37

Yes me old china plates, dearest friends, we're all puffed up with pride because 2012 is the official London Olympics, all taking place in our dear old East End of London Town. That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's the Cockney Olympics! Those clever people in the Olympic committee sat down and said to themselves, right, they said, we need to choose a town which has:

the best grub
the best boozers
the best markets
the best people
the best culture
oh yeah and one or two decent sportspeople I spose

The whole wide world will be having a good old butcher's at London. All those foreign types will be nosing around being extra-specially interested in our Cockney culture, and maybe scratching their loaves wondering what we're on about when they come over for the Cockney Olympics. So here's our special new Cockney dictionary of sporting terms that you'll need to know:

Cycling	Bike	Dick van Dyke	"Ooof 'e took a nasty tumble off 'is Dick van Dyke"
	Road	Frog and Toad	"Fairly flying up the Frog and Toad they were"
Football	Balls	Orchestra Stalls	"Kicked that Orchestra right to the end of the pitch"
	Boots	Daisy Roots	"These modern footballers wear right expensive Daisies these days"
	Score	Bobby Moore	"What's the Bobby Moore mate?"
Equestrian Sports	Horse	Charing Cross	"A fine Charing Cross enters the arena now ..."
	Races	Airs and Graces	"Got a few exciting Airs and Graces coming up this afternoon"
Diving	Diver	Lady Godiva	"That Tom Daley's quite a Lady Godiva innee?"
Rowing/canoeing	Boat	Nanny Goat	"Better hope those Nanny Goats are waterproof ..."
	River	Shake and Shiver	"... oops, nope, they've all gorn into the Shake and Shiver!"
Boxing	Gloves	Turtle Doves	"Here he comes, pullin' on his Turtle Doves, ready for action"
	Ear	King Lear	"Look at the King Lears on him, they're like cauliflowers"
	Chin	Errol Flynn	"Oooh a fine left-hook to the Errol Flynn"
Tennis	Balls	Albert Halls	"He hit the Albert Hall right out of the court!"
Gymnastics	Gym	Fat Boy Slim	"Obviously been working out down the old Fat Boy Slim"
	Dance	Jack Palance	"Nice bit of gymnastic Jack Palancing there"
Swimming	Dip	Apple Pip	"Olympic swimming - it's just an Apple Pip sped up really"

If you've got any more essential Cockney phrases we need to include in our special Olympics edition of the dictionary, send us a Jimmy Nail and we'll put it right in.

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Comments

9/10/2011 9:48:44 PM #

I recently found aahhht that this wind is made up, only the Tom, Dick and Harry is accurate, I tried comparin' a translator ter the translator built-in ter this wind, the ovver wind I used ter translate was much more accurate than the built-in wahn, stop cheatin'.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang |

10/7/2011 4:58:57 PM #

Not sure you would use 'Lady' to mean 'Diver'....this is where confusion would start because a 'Lady' means 5 pounds (Lady Godiva=Fiver)....and that's an old one. I might be in dullsville (Australia) these days but I'm a face from Bethnal Green....I was actually born in Bart's Hospital in the city so it doesn't get more cockney than that.

A Lady is a Fiver, geeza. Orright!

Ian |